I feel totally scattered these days.
I think it’s in part the result of having M home for the summer again. I’m not in the habit anymore of thinking about dinner, but it turns out that children like to eat. Quite regularly, too. K and I can kind of subsist on cheese rinds and stale bread for a day or two before we get too hungry.
And also, because it’s summer, there’s just more to do, I’m torn between wanting to work in the garden, wanting to go for a hike, wanting to make jam, wanting to go to the movies with M, wanting to clean the house before it becomes uninhabitable. I think it is true that an extra person does increase the clutter.
I’m also about to go away to the usual mid-summer conference. Midsummer is a terrible time for a conference — if I go anywhere, I want to go somewhere where I don’t have to work.
After the conference, I’m supposed to go hiking with an old friend from college, and I also want to go up to Maine to see N, and my mother is angling for a visit, too.
It’s all feeling irreconcilable. I guess the thing to do is to actually figure out how to fit it all together. Then I can stop worrying about it.
It is very hard to be a grown up.